The Right Fit: Finding a Therapist
When I became a counselor, I heard a piece of wisdom that I have never forgotten. The clients who need you, will find you. The clients who are meant to be with you will fill your practice and derive great value from your work together. The clients that are not meant for you will make the choice to go. We must trust our clients to make the decision for themselves whether we are the fit for them. We as therapists must not judge our competence, our value, our success based on how many clients stay post intake. We have to understand that the coming and going of clients is merely the nature of this work. Therapy is deeply personal and relational, the relationship between client and therapist is in my opinion absolutely crucial to a successful therapeutic experience. I have always held this piece of wisdom close to my heart both when I am grieving a client leaving prematurely and when I am in a place of gratitude for the absolute rightness of fit I feel with my clients. I am constantly grateful that the clients that were for me, found me and that I continually am granted the honor of walking with them through life.
A successful therapeutic relationship is a collaborative one. The client and the therapist choose each other, trust each other and ultimately develop a beautiful and productive relationship. Choosing a therapist is a complicated and tricky process. It is a process that no one teaches you or prepares you for. In this blog, I intend to demystify the experience of choosing a therapist and give you, the client, some helpful tips, questions to ask, and things to consider when choosing the right therapist for you. By the end of this article, you’ll be closer to your ideal therapist than ever before! Okay, that’s a big promise, but we will try our best.
Let’s get started. A great place to begin is to do some reflection on what you want to work on in therapy. What is the purpose of going to therapy? Here are a few examples of purposes to give you an idea. You might be looking to build your tool kit for coping with anxiety. You might be looking for some extra support around a transition in your life. You might be wanting some space to slow down in the midst of your busy week. You might need help coping with a specific fear. When you are able to articulate your hopes for therapy, it becomes easier to find a therapist that specializes in the issue and can provide you the support you need. Once you have your purpose, it’s time to start thinking about what kind of therapy might work best for you.
Therapists practice using different approaches, also known as modalities. The best way to equate this to something more familiar is to think about different teaching styles you may have experienced in school. You may have had a math teacher that used a lot of hands-on learning, building towers, measuring flag poles, etc. You may have had a philosophy teacher that valued discussion based learning where you all sat around and chatted about your takeaways. Each therapist curates their own specific style of therapy using different techniques, tenants and ideas. I won’t bore you with the whole saga but I will provide you with a few questions to ask your potential therapist when it comes to their approach.
To assess your therapist's approach you might ask: What does therapy with you look like? This question prompts your therapist to share about their unique approach. Another question: Have you worked with clients with my concern before and how have you approached it? This is where your purpose comes in. If you’re looking for support with anxiety, asking your therapist how they approach anxiety can be a great way to discern whether their approach feels helpful or interesting to you. Another question might be: what does a typical session look like? This is a direct way to get a feel of how your therapist might conduct a normal session with their clients. All of these questions can be asked when you have a consultation with a potential therapist, which we will cover next.
You might be browsing for a therapist through a directory such as PsychologyToday. These directories are excellent places to search for a therapist, they are somewhat like online dating sites where you can read profiles, check out specialties, read colleague reviews, and decide who feels like a match. I highly recommend starting on a website like PsychologyToday when looking for a therapist. You can filter by location, concern, identity or price point. I urge you to find 3-4 therapists that feel like good fits. It might be tempting to choose a therapist based on availability or nearness to your house, much like you might select a service like a dentist or a nail salon. Don’t do this. Don’t pull the trigger on choosing a therapist based on convenience. Try and make a choice centering connection.
Once you find 3-4 therapists that feel promising, you should reach out to them via their website and request a consultation call. Most therapists offer a complimentary consultation call where you can ask your questions, chat about rightness of fit and get a general vibe check of your chemistry and comfort. You should plan a few of these consultations and then take your time to reflect on who fits your needs. Every therapist you chat with should be supportive of your right to weigh your choices and take your time. If they aren’t, that’s a bit odd and it might be something to take into consideration when making a choice.
Following your consultation calls, you get to make a decision! There are a few things to consider when making your final decision and moving forward with a counselor. Who did you feel most comfortable and connected to? Who made you feel at ease? Therapy is a place of great vulnerability and your therapist's ability to put you at ease is important. Next, who could you see learning from? Whose approach seemed interesting? If you have a consultation that leaves you curious, that’s a good marker that you’re going to enjoy working with the therapist. Finally, you should consider how, where and how often you’d like to do therapy. Do you prefer online or in-person? Are you looking for sessions weekly or every two weeks? When you choose a therapist, you’ll want to have this ironed out so they can get you scheduled properly and reflect their availability correctly.
The time has come to choose your therapist. You’ve identified your purpose, you’ve done your research, and you’ve compared your options. You can now reach out to your chosen therapist to get scheduled for an appointment. We always hope that your choice works out and you find someone that checks all your boxes for a positive therapeutic relationship on the first go. However, if the first one doesn’t work out post consultation, don’t get discouraged. You can follow these steps again and find a different therapist. Calling back to the beginning, you will find the therapist that is right for you in time. With some self-knowing, some patience and willingness to try again, therapy can be an absolute life-changer.
Good luck out there!
