Our Need for Play-Seeking Joy
I sit in the light filled nook of my kitchen, saddled up to the table, feasting on a tuna sandwich between sessions. Yes, tuna. I like it and beyond that it reminds me of my grandmother. I can still see their nimble hands, mixing and seasoning methodically, building with care in only a way grandmas can. I let nostalgia wash over me as I watch out the window.
Outside, snow falls in a hurried quiet. Hanging awkwardly below the largest, oldest tree in our yard our birdfeeder spills with seeds. Circulating around it like it is the sun, two stellar jays, a robin and a congregation of black capped chickadees wait their turn to gorge themselves. Some are more patient than others. The birdfeeder poses an interesting question between my husband and I. Is it right or wrong to provide a resource to these wonderful and wild creatures? Does it create dependence on us for food? Is it sustainable long term or is it creating a dilemma for the birds of this area? This is why I love and cherish my husband. He is curious and thoughtful about these things when I am too focused on my instant gratification of watching these beautiful feathered friends in our yard. He is grounded and logical. His question really stems from: what is best for the birds?
I continue to watch my little mismatched family of birds tangled messily around the droppings of the feeder. A chickadee takes cover under the squat Japanese maple tree as the snow falls harder. The stellar jays circle each other bouncing into the air and then coming back to rest on the frosted grass. They chase each other and reverse, always coming to sit quietly next to one another. Stellar Jays, after a quick google search, I discovered are social birds and will often circulate around in small flocks. My Stellar Jays circle each other and push their heads together in a seemingly affectionate way. They look as if they are playing.
Play is a fundamental social need of all social animals. Play has many functions that aid in development, social bonds, and lowering cortisol (stress)levels. We can see the universality of play when we look at our animal friends. Lion cubs tumbling together as their mother looks on judgingly, puppies chasing each other relentlessly arguing over who gets which toys and even backyard birds circling and yelling at each other around the feeder. I define play as interaction that yields no result that aids in survival, but enriches a social relationship or one’s relationship to joy. Let me break that down. If my Stellar Jay was hunting a mouse, it would be with the purpose of successfully assuring his food source. It wouldn’t be play, it would be hunting. Play is for lack of a better term, for fun!
Human development experts recognize that play is essential in a healthy child’s development. Kids learn so much when they are playing independently or with one another, they learn how to bargain, how to imagine, how to be connected to their bodies and how to create and collaborate. While they might not be yielding anything tangible during play, they are absolutely aiding their future competence and survival by pursuing joy and play. Play is a luxury and privilege that children who are healthy and reared in safe environments have plenty of time for! But, as we grow older, our responsibilities become denser and heavier and our time is spent navigating logistics for survival. Think, grocery shopping, calling to make the doctor’s appointment, working overtime to pay the bills. Our free time is not spent on play but on necessary tasks that must be done.
While our window of time for play gets narrower and narrower as we grow into adults, our brains and our souls still very much crave and benefit from play. Many adults cannot remember the last time they felt lost in play. In the good way, the way when you’re running around at recess and don’t realize you are exhausted because you are so caught up in the game. In the way, you are so submerged in your imaginary world that you forget the heaviness of reality. Play can happen through your connection to your body or through your connection to your mind. If you’ve read this far, I would prompt you to think about the last time you felt engaged in play?
While play may not be a priority in the midst of the busyness of life, we all have children inside us who remember what it was like to play. We remain social animals who have a fundamental need for play. I encourage you to take a deep breath, close your eyes if it feels right and imagine the little version of yourself who remembers how to play. I’d like you to metaphorically hand that little version of you the microphone and ask them, how would they like to play as this version of you? They might want to craft or play basketball! They might want to adventure around the yard and collect sticks and stones. They may want to swim or run in the woods. My guess is that if you give that version of you who remembers play, room to ask for what would bring them joy, they will tell you. Play continues to be a social need of humans long after society tells us it is no longer appropriate to play. It’s your job, as the responsible adult you are, to carve out space and permission to continue to meet that need in adulthood.
The birds have quieted down in the yard, Their bodies fluffy against the cold, perched on the branches of the old tree. Realistically, I don’t know the answer about the bird feeder, I am not certain what is the best course of action for our backyard birds. But I do know that my feeder brought them together under our big weeping tree and they played. They collected their resource, the seeds, and they spent some time engaging in play with one another. We gave them space and the ability to play with one another for a few precious minutes today. I know it’s not everything, but I feel certain that it matters.
A Stellar Jay caught on the bird feeder camera.
