Welcome to Girl Talk + Meet the Writer
One of the first questions I ask my clients when I meet with them for the first time is always: how would your friends describe you? I phrase this question in this way for a few reasons. The first is, each and every time in my life I have been prompted, ‘Tell me about yourself’, it’s undeniably and irrefutably crickets and chaos in my mind. How is it that both everything and nothing comes to mind at the inquiry? The second reason I ask this question is because often our perception of ourselves is skewed and limited! To be honest, I probably could describe my shortcomings or what I’m working on before I could describe my strengths. I guess it’s honesty hour, because even as a licensed therapist, that is my truth. I’m a human and I am still evolving, reflecting and growing on this ride of life alongside my incredible and curious clients. This blog is going to a testimony to that journey. A record of evolution, my experiences as a therapist and beyond that my experiences as a young woman navigating this beautiful, messy life. I titled the blog ‘Girl Talk’ because so often I feel the connection that happens in conversation is revolutionary. When we authentically and unapologetically explore our stories in a safe space, we are honing our ability to understand and interpret our internal experience. When we understand ourselves, eventually we learn to translate that understanding to the world around us. So, I’m guessing, with enough girl talk, we might be able to tell each other about ourselves with our strengths and gifts front and center.
In this first installment of the blog, I plan to introduce myself, outline some expectations of what you might see here and at the end, we will cover a ritual or skill to try out this week in your life. Let’s begin with introductions. My name is Jessica Arriaga, but you can call me Jess, everyone does. I am a licensed mental health counselor and owner of Reclamation Wellness, a private practice providing therapy to teens and adults in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. My journey to become a therapist has resembled taking a scenic back road, meaning it hasn’t been direct but it has been absolutely worth the detour. My background professionally is in women’s studies and education. During my education, I worked closely with student populations both college and primary implementing social justice informed programs and curriculum. I dabbled in women’s health, as a public educator and researcher. I had a short stint working as a patient coordinator both in alternative healing and in a hospital. Admittedly, I was bouncing from gig to gig looking for a place where I fit. I wanted desperately to find a career where my passions and knowledge aligned in a way that brought fulfillment to my life and served the community at large.
My friends would tell you that I am a person of service. I believe I was put on this planet to help others in a tangible and meaningful way. From my early days working in social justice spaces, the responsibility to use my privilege to serve the common good has been important to me. I am one of those people that will tell you, I’ve always been an empath. If you’re rolling your eyes, I get it. It always feels like it’s the bullies from high school telling you that they’re an empath. What happened to those guys? I grew up in a small conservative town, where the views were limited and the diversity even more so. My mind was narrow, because in order to belong to the group I had to subscribe to the same idea set. Call it survival or call it ignorance, I believe it was both. I was an empath that wasn’t sure how to translate the empathy in a meaningful way. It wasn’t until I moved to the city exposed to new ideas and information about the world I could have never imagined in the comfort of my little valley town. In college, I was able to begin my journey of unlearning limiting and harmful ideas. I was able to evolve into an advocate for the community and for the world through refocused empathy.
Through a lot of soul searching and countless laps around a local middle school track, consuming as many therapy podcasts as I could, I decided I wanted to become a therapist. But not a regular therapist, a cool therapist. A therapist that integrated all the macro knowledge I absorbed in the social justice space. A therapist that used that understanding to inform work with clients and to conceptualize holistic mental health interventions. My intention when I set off to grad school was to become a therapist that was compassionate and grounded in values of equity and liberation. I wanted to become a therapist that kept it real. I hoped to revolutionize therapy and transform it from its historically clinical and neutral roots. I wanted to laugh with my clients, swear with my clients, play with my clients, and cry with them. I wanted to be authentic and loud with my care, so my clients knew what they meant to me and how deeply I believed in them. I wanted to walk beside them as a companion, not in front of them as an authority. Years later, now waist deep in the work, I feel as though I have become this therapist.
Being a therapist is an honor I do not take lightly. The wonder of this work and this role is never lost on me. Every moment I have spent with clients has shaped me, changed me, inspired me. Trust me when I say, there will be plenty of time for me to get sappy about the impact of this work, but for now, let’s explore the purpose of this blog and what you might find here.
I am establishing this blog because I deeply believe in the power of public education. Also, I’ll never turn down an opportunity to share my unsolicited thoughts and advice. I’m a busy body like that. This blog will outline different mental health topics and provide skills and ideas to improve your relationship with yourself and your emotional health. This blog will also be journals and records of experiences I have in my life and as a therapist. Girl Talk will be a combination of accessible and relatable stories and tangible mental health information. Read one or read them all and take what you need. This blog is not therapy and should not be interpreted as a replacement. The purpose of Girl Talk is for educational and entertainment purposes. I hope you learn something, and I hope you feel a little more understood along the way.
Something you can rely on in each blog post is a suggestion for a weekly practice. This week’s practice is related to the idea we explored at the beginning, identifying our strengths. Strength Identification is a skill that builds self-esteem and helps us cultivate deeper self-compassion in times of trial. It also helps when we are trying to conceptualize ourselves and what’s important to us. As a feminist therapist, I find it incredibly important to empower women to think about and embrace their strengths. Societally, women have been taught to share and connect around insecurities (more about this later). Imagine the revolution if we taught women to connect through their shared strengths.
My challenge for you this week is to set an alarm on your phone for the same time each day, a time you can reliably count on for seven days. When the alarm goes off, I want you to take a big deep breath and settle into your body. When you’re good and grounded, I encourage you to ask yourself, what do I bring to the table? This could be related to the day's events, maybe you led a meeting at work that went really well or maybe you helped your child navigate big feelings. In these examples, the strength would be leadership or groundedness. The strength could also be related to life at large, maybe you’re navigating a tough time and have been resilient in the face of adversity. Whatever strength you land on, I want you to write it down each day. When the week comes to an end, you will have a list of strengths. With this list of strengths, you’ll be able to tell me about yourself and I won’t have to ask your friends.
I want to thank you for reading this blog. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a part of your life. I hope you’ll return for more Girl Talk and join me on this journey. Together, we will learn, laugh and evolve. Until next time, take very good care of yourself.
